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日志


2009/11/12

Hea (life),到底是“消遣”,还是“深度无聊”?

又逛了趟宜家,拼了个书柜。当时陈列的单品上摆了几本装饰书,其中有一本书背上赫赫印着Naipaul。拿起来一看,居然是 A House for Mr. Biswas。虽然是瑞典文写成,可也真是巧遇,是我大学毕业论文的研究对象哦。尽管并没有买椟“送”珠的可能性,可是颜色和尺寸更适合房间的色调,还是选了这个书柜。You don't own things, they own you.

拼完书柜后,整理了一下窗台上的杂物,掸掸灰尘,帮助它们转移阵地,居然翻出3月份压箱底的一篇日记。

当时刚学到这么个香港“潮语” - Hea (life)。和Vicky他们讨论这个词该怎么翻译成汉语更传神,到底是“消遣”,还是“深度无聊”?然后引发了一些漫无边际的遐想:

“日子就这么一天一天地过去了。回过头来看的时候,却发觉他们都没留下什么痕迹,没有哪一天会跳出来说:”记住我“。

有几次公司聚会,去了沙面的兰桂坊侨美餐厅,也去了公司旁边的金河半岛酒家,还去了东骏广场的阿一鲍鱼;喔,其间还去了一次江湾大酒店自助餐。吃吃喝喝的节目确实很丰富,可却不见得增进了同事之间的感情,反而觉得好疏远,好孤立。是我一个人的问题吗?

好像我们都成了披着华丽外衣但却没有灵魂的人。生活就像是一潭死水,波澜不惊,但偶有暗涌。

日子的标识是中饭,散步,周末来临。琐碎的话题不外乎吃喝,银行,账单和家庭;当然还有工作。

我只是日俱失去灵魂的一具行尸走肉,已无法发现生活中的美,没有办法说出”你最近读了什么书?看了什么电影?对某某事件有什么看法?“而只能随声附和。

越来越孤独;并不是说自己最近在看什么书,做什么有意义的事情,却是自己已成为了俗人的一员。

聊赖百度,不似消遣,更像深度无聊。

貌似离 Hea 的状态还有些距离哦。
2009/11/1

Scorn, contempt, disdain, and its like.

What do you wear in your face?
Scorn.

How much?
To quote your idiosyncracy.
 
It's the expression you have.
Disdain.
2009/10/31

Rules are meant to be broken, what if there is no rule, or the rule is not meant to be broken?

I.
'I have nothing to break,

because there is no rule.'
I declared, smugly.

'Don't be a fool;
you'll end up a lonely woman.'
You warned me, sternly.

II.
So there is a rule,
which says,

you have yourself to blame for your lonely status quo?

But that's the absurdity of human being's existence,
isn't it?

Nobody could escape from this alienation in the end.

III.
No matter what I do, I'll have to live with it.

Therefore,
this rule is not meant to be broken either.



2009/10/25

Pram traffic & Wheelchair traffic

I.
Every Saturday morning,

I see prams gathered in the Gallopade Plaza,
kids running about, babies crying out loud,
and grands finding the one and only topic they could talk about.
I call it "Pram traffic".

II.
This Saturday morning,
there was more to the prams.
I saw an old man walking himself with his wheelchair,
carefully looking for a footing down the shallow step.

In his heart he might be blaming himself,
as walking is something so natural and easy,
yet it takes so much effort to do now.

He wouldn't have thought that he would end up like this a few years back.
And, worse still, if he had missjudged that 5-centimetre height,
he might have had to end up physically IN the wheelchair.

III.
Such an epitome for what I would like to call the "Wheelchair traffic".
I see it coming, probably in less than a decade,
all these prams replaced by wheelchairs,
silencing the Plaza.
Who would then be here, and what would they talk about?


2009/10/18

Hot N Cold

听着Katy Perry 的 Hot N Cold,很是怀念去年在北京“待业”的时候“全职”学车的日子。
想了很久居然没把学校名字想起来,还亏了我当时起早贪黑地赶去上课。
学倒桩那段日子,天天天不亮就起床去赶班车。
天冷,路上没什么行人,经常见到的是扫大街的工人,偶尔有人遛狗。
穿得严严实实,围巾手套帽子耳套全用上,再拿杯咖啡三明治给手和肚子取取暖。

就是这Hot N Cold,伴随着车窗外飘逝的宁静的北京街景,暖暖地和我一道迎接黎明的到来。
天,总是亮得很慢。
有时,还分不清到底是高速路上的路灯还是天上的星星。
可慢慢地,天边现出鱼肚白。
七点左右的驾校,已是人声鼎沸。

也许人生这么些起伏总是难免的。
一曲Hot N Cold,让当时的日子很是充满意义。
难的是没有目标的冷,“待业”的时候不知道自己的方向;
可是给自己找到了一个明确的目标后,那些暖暖的黎明至今让我回味无穷。
就那样,在黎明前的黑暗,我看到了短暂的未来。
2009/10/15

Nit-picking & Guardian Angel

星座一、二事
 
1. 明天的星座解读,学了一个新词,nit-picking,重复一百遍把它记住,这么些挑刺儿的人在,估计天天都用得上。
 

Scorpio (Oct24-Nov22)
You're doing your personal best but it isn't enough to keep some people happy. Someone who never praises but frequently criticises is hounding you with their nit picking remarks. Their disapproval of what you do is repeated and emphasised. It is clear now you aren't ever going to please them no matter how hard you try. If you're happy with your efforts that's what really matters. After all, who are they to constantly pull you down? 

2. 到底明天的Guardian Angel是何方神圣, 贵人会是谁呢?感觉好像抽到了上上签。

Sagittarius (Nov23-Dec21)
Things are finally starting to fall in your favour. If ever you were hoping for a Guardian Angel your wishes will be answered today. It's always risky to speculate but you sense some risks are going to work out in your favour. An enlightening experience makes you look at the world in a whole new way. Without any doubt what's happening now has a lot to do with your destiny.


Be happy, don't be sad.

 
I always like Russell Grant, because he always speaks to my heart. Look, he even knew that I would be unhappy today, over 'stupid-ness', to quote somebody's comforting word.
 
Be happy, don't be sad.
 

Star Sign Sagittarius (Nov23-Dec21)
When the situation isn't to your liking you never really seem to rise to the challenge. Others might want to push ahead with home improvements or some changes you aren't very happy about. You hardly feel inspired when you disapprove of or dislike their ideas. Dealing with difficult authority figures adds to your frustration. There's no reason why you shouldn't think about pulling out of conditions which make you unhappy.

2009/10/14

侏罗纪爱情!

前天下班,
下到二楼时看到冯婧拿着包包回办公室,
脑子没转过弯来,
这不是下班了吗?
她也只转过身来莞尔一笑。

晚上,做了个高清的梦
真实得可以触摸到。
只不过,梦中的她多了句台词,
‘侏罗纪爱情!’
脑子更是没转过弯来。

现在我还记得这个梦和梦的起因,
就是不得其解。
以往的梦怎么也记不住,
而这句台词却挥之不去。

侏罗纪爱情?
侏罗纪公园?
爱情?
恐龙?
到底为哪般?
2009/9/26

The 'Tiredness'

So many people 'left' this year
Famous people, or not so famous ones
People who had lived a full life, or not too long

Even though newspapers are not doing too well in this economy
I guess those working in the Obituaries section
shouldn't worry that they would be out of job soon

This is not a good year obviously
What happened? What went wrong?
Were they simply getting tired of living?
Or they just had to make room for the new lives?

And us? Are we in between worlds?
As I am feeling the tiredness welling up all over me.
Is it the 'tiredness' they had felt?
Scary, isn't it?


困得不行

天高云淡
听着王若琳若即若离地唱着 New York State of Mind
我居然又睡过去了
宝贝的大好时光啊
看来最近真是累坏了
吃每周里最喜欢的Saturday Breakfast都在打瞌睡

2009/9/15

The smell of autumn in the air

Typhoon day, windy,
but thank god it takes away the heat wave,
and I'm finally able to let my hair down,
which has been imprisoned for too long.

I just love the smell of autumn in the air.
2009/9/14

漫无边际的想念,物是人非总是在后来。

突然之间,很想念北京。
原以为生命中这个片段,就将这么离我远去,可还是忍不住怀念。
听着刘若英的后来,虽然说的是没有抓住的爱情。
可是,对一个地方的思念,难道也不是如此么?
有些人一旦错过就不再,有些地方呢?

很想念的,还有我的耳环。
奇怪的小家伙们,尽管在各地搜罗而来,感觉就是缘分天注定,
伯明翰,伦敦,巴斯,碰上了就是碰上了。
可它们,偏偏不属于我。
偶尔看看自己的藏品,不是少了个伴的,就是缺胳膊少腿的,还有完全消失无踪影的。
唯一不离不弃的,确是在华威过生日时,
Ai Ling 和 Gloria 在 H&M 给我买的。
也许与她们一辈子将不会再相见,
可这样的夜里,我也还是想到了她们。

2009/9/12

Listen to the wise man talk about destiny

Now we have nowhere to go to escape the canteen lunch, due to that 'hateful' Xiao qiang – was that a cock roach or a hen roach? Probably the former, since he was so playful.

Poor thing, he was ‘buried’ in a silver case under a one-mouthful xiao long bao, his whiskers stretching out. Funny, the whole ‘ceremony’ of discovering his chosen ‘tomb’ didn't turn me hysterical. By that I mean, when I found him, I took a look at his corpse, simply put back the xiao long bao, and cleared my throat to declare: I found something that made me not wanting to continue eating anymore. I didn’t scream at the top of my throat; I've been imagining this moment all my life, but I've never expected myself to be so calm.

Such as it was, our appetite was spoilt, and we simply wanted to get out of that restaurant, which is the best in the area, as soon as possible. The manager we got was quite ‘apt’ at handling such issues. It is a clear sign that this wasn’t the first case. Comparatively speaking, we were such armatures. Gosh, we didn’t even take a photo or try to protect our evidence, before he quickly took it away.

You poor little thing, this time you should end up in some dungeon or garbage bag. No matter how much you were hoping to escape your fate, it came to you still. To quote a line in the film The International, ‘Sometimes a man could meet his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.’ You are not a man, but it applies to all creatures. In my personal project of chasing away cockroaches in the apartment, I learnt some precious information, such as they actually eat their own mates’ corpses. Therefore, rather than ended up in my belly, he was back into his mates’.

As for us, it is also bad news. We just lost the only place where we could escape to, and we have to be back to be with our mates in the canteen, which is adjecent to this restaurant. Worst of all, the food for the two places comes from the same kitchen ...

 


2009/4/27

Life and Bread

The quality of life is
not about having a lot of bread
but about having the bread taste better
2009/4/26

Addiction-free

I.

There was once

I couldn’t resist finishing a book in one go

There was also once

I was fascinated by the virtual world

 

II.

There was once

I observed the world through the viewfinder

There was also once

I wouldn’t let any inscription or label pass in front of me without being studied

 

III.

I was wasting my time,

It was deemed.

It sounded silly,

But,

such addiction made me feel alive

 

IV.

Now I am addiction-free.

Too much time in my hands,

but nothing interests me anymore,

What’s left is,

sheer suffocation

 

V.

The fact is,

I am still that dreamer

The difference is,

I strangled my dreams

 

VI.

And it shattered

2009/4/24

Merde! OP.

C'est vendredi matin,
j'ai besoin d'un peu d'air!
MERDE!
(Pardon ma langue, s'il vous plait.)
2009/4/23

Mais pourquoi?

Elle dites, mais pourquoi? Vous avez une travail nouvelle!
Surprise!
Surprise!
 
Pourquoi?
Je ne sais pas.
est-ce que c'est la travail?
est-ce que c'est les gens?
est-ce que c'est la vie?
est-ce que c'est moi?
 
Rien n'est parfait.
Soyez sage,
avec tous les choses.
 
2009/2/26

Who is the lucky guy?

Who is the lucky guy?
I was swarmed by this question
because I changed my Facebook relationship status.
 
You see
You have a choice among being
Single, In a relationship, Married to, It's Complicated ...
 
And I just didn't want to choose any of them
But Facebook interpreted this action to be
Lynn is no longer listed as single.
 
I am in trouble
I am also warned, watch out
Anything you did would be recorded
 
Like a few years ago
I changed my MSN Tagline for fun
Where is that handsome, tall, dark man to wine and dine with?
 
You could certainly predict what happened!
I see the power of words
2009/1/29

Good bye, Robin.

I.
The countdown to leaving Beijing
started long ago
Seven days before my departure
I said goodbye to Robin.
 
II.
Sorry, Robin
I put you up on 58.com
And you know what
you are hot
several people wanted you
 
III.
I don't know any of them
But this boy sounded reliable
And he lives not far away
so that you would be on familiar ground
 
IV.
And he fell in love with you at first sight
just like that
you are a beauty
Did you feel the same?
 
V.
I believe he could take better care of you
Didn't you always want to go out for a ride?
And I haven't taken you out for a long time.
I have been ignoring you, I am sorry.
 
VI.
I have considered the possibility of
you relocating with me
But I sincerely don't think
that's a good place for you, I am sorry.
 
VII.
Too many cars would crash you
Too many thieves would snap you away
Too few bike repair booths
And no pump for your tyres, I am sorry.
 
VIII.
I visited Batman yesterday
I gave him a bath
thinking that he could probably go with you
but the boy only loves you, I am sorry.
 
IX.
Now that you are gone
I did not even have a photo of you
It is a pity
but you know you'll live in my memory forever.
 
X.
Good bye, Robin
my bike
my blue bike
that was a birthday present.
 
You belonged to me once.
2009/1/22

The ‘ME’ in 75 Cartons

Life returns to quietness after eight frenzy days of packing. 75 cartons disappeared from this apartment, and yet it only appears to me to be neater and allows in more sunshine and light, nothing else really changed.

 

I got up in the morning, and exclaimed, hey, everything is still the same. The same sofa, but the cushions were gone; the same bookcase, but the books were gone; the same wardrobe, but the clothes were gone; the same white walls, but the paintings were gone …

 

For two and a half years, we lived in a clustered apartment, with what I called ‘junks’ that we spent a fortune to ship from Guangzhou, students’ writings, old newspapers and magazines, etc. And yet we lived with it.

 

Now they are on their way back to Guangzhou, we’ve got a few nice and clean quality days here, but only a few days. Very soon we will be joined by the ‘junk’ again, just in a new apartment.

 

Life is about accumulation, isn’t it? It is the accumulation of things that you cannot take with you, and yet you don’t want to leave behind. Every piece has its sentimental value, in each of its special way; every piece is a body of memory, as if you part with it, it carries that segment of memory with it, away from you; every piece represents and reflects you. They form what you are.

 

It is impossible to have a new and fresh start. Every new start is the augmentation of the old you. Now you see why I can’t leave myself behind.